你今天有什么想要懺悔的事情嗎？
Whats is a (minor) confession you would like to make today?
譯文簡介
我早上沒刷牙。
正文翻譯
Whats is a (minor) confession you would like to make today?
你今天有什么想要懺悔的事情嗎？
評論翻譯
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I have a shopping cart in my back yard.
我的后院里有一個購物車。
那是一個流浪漢留下的，扔在我門前的草地上。他把車子里面的東西都拿走了，所以車子是空的。
這個購物車上面有一個牌子，上面寫著電話號碼，以及“給這個號碼打電話，我們就會回收這個購物車”的標志。這個購物車是一家非常大的連鎖超市的，你們應該都聽說過。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處
那個接電話的人讓我描述一下這個購物車。上面有過數字或者單詞之類的——我不記得了。于是雇員跟我說這個購物車是離我足足有15英里以外的一所門店里的。我得給那個門店打電話。
真的嗎？可是購物車上的牌子上寫著讓我給這個號碼打電話。結果不行，他們不再回收購物車了。讓我給另一家打。
我于是給另一家門店打了電話。他們說自己不會過來回收購物車，因為我超出了他們的“回收距離”。我應該帶著購物車去距離他們最近的門店。
我帶著購物車？兄弟……我告訴你這購物車在哪就已經算是幫了你大忙了。
行吧。給離我最近的門店打電話。
這里的門店說他們不會回收不屬于他們的購物車。跟我說要給他們的購物車回收服務部門打電話，這個部門會回收購物車。好，終于有點進展了！
于是我給購物車回收服務部門打了電話。他們說他們會到現場回收購物車，只要我付20美元的話。
啥？！你應該給我錢??！
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處
“你知道私自保留超市購物車是違反城市法律的吧？你可以因此被逮捕的?！?
好，謝謝您的建議。
于是鑒于購物車回收部門的建議，我把用于識別的記號從購物車上弄了下來?，F在它停在我的后院里負責收集易拉罐。我往上面裝了一個易拉罐壓縮機。等到車子裝滿了，我就把里面的易拉罐壓扁。當我把35加侖的垃圾桶裝滿易拉罐的時候，我就把它扔到我的皮卡車上拿去賣錢。我差不多每趟能掙30美元，一年能掙好幾次。
I used to as well! When I was in university we were flatting in a rough part of town, and one day we found a shopping cart on the curb outside our house. This was 20 minutes’ walk from the nearest supermarket. It became our wheelbarrow, laundry basket, and occasional chariot when we were drunk.
我以前也有過一輛！上大學的時候我們在城市郊區的地方租了一間房子，然后有一天我們在房子外面的柵欄附近發現了一個購物車。離最近的超市步行也只有20分鐘。這輛購物車就變成了我們的手推車和晾衣架，我們喝醉的時候也會變成我們的戰車。
等我們搬出去的時候，我們干脆就把購物車放在我們一開始發現它的地方了。兩個小時不到它就不見了。
A friend I hadn't talked to in a while hit me up with a DM on twitter and I was like "oh, yay! I haven't talked to them in a long time" only to found out they were pitching their kickstarter, so it made me a little sad.
我有個一段時間沒聯系過的朋友在推特上私聊我，當時我還想，“噢真棒！我已經好長時間沒有跟他聯系過了”，但后來才發現他是在給自己搞眾籌，所以我有一點點難過。
A friend did this to me right when the pandemic began. Hadn't heard from her in a decade then she messaged me on Facebook, asking how I was, wanting to know if I was doing alright with the pandemic, etc. Was nice to hear from her...until she hit me up to donate to her Kickstarter. I pitched in $20 for some reason, I guess because we had been friends as kids? I dunno. I didn't want to say no. Then I got an email from Kickstarter a few weeks later that the campaign had violated their rules somehow, got my $20 back, and haven't heard from the 'friend' since.
我有個朋友在疫情剛開始的時候也這么做了。已經有十年沒收到過她的消息了，然后她突然在Facebook上聯系我，問我現在怎么樣，想知道我在疫情期間過得好不好。我很高興聽見她的消息…直到她讓我給她的眾籌捐款。我給她捐了20，可能是因為我們從小就是最好的朋友？我不知道，我只是不想拒絕。幾個星期之后我收到了一封郵件，說這個眾籌違反了他們的規則，因此我拿到了20美元退款，此后我也再沒從這個“朋友”那里收到過消息。
There was a 3 week period of my life where everyday I would purchase a large Dairy Queen blizzard, then park and consume it alone in my car.
我曾經有3個星期的時間，每天都去Dairy Queen買一大杯暴風雪，然后把車停好，自己一個人把這一大杯吃完。
有一天我吃完了我的暴風雪，但是我沒吃爽，然而我已經去同一家DQ太多次了，那里的員工都認識我了。于是我沒有再去同一家，而是恬不知恥地開了20分鐘去了另一家DQ，在那買了一杯。
Currently eating an ice cream sandwich and intentionally concealing it from my 2 year old so he doesn’t demand a bite
現在正在吃一個冰淇淋三明治，故意藏著不讓我兩歲的兒子看見，不然他又要咬一口。
"It's spicy, you won't like it"
“這個辣，你不喜歡”
Holy shit I got a flashback of deeply burried memories.
我草，深深埋藏的記憶突然開始浮現……
她原來是在騙我……
I could have finished my entire workload today in maybe two hours flat. But I dragged it out.
我今天本可以在大概兩個小時之內就干完一整天的活。但是我拖延了。
It's a science. You finish the workload in 2 hours and what do you get for it? More work and the expectation that you'll finish it quickly. But if you drag it out and take your time, less work in the future. I like to finish my work early and then just wait for the boss to ask me where it is, and hand it to him and say I just finished. He's the one dictating how long it should take and I'm meeting those goals.
這是一種科學。你兩個小時就干完你的工作，然后你能得到什么呢？只有更多的工作，并且老板還會期待你能飛快地完成這些工作。但是如果你拖延下來慢慢做的話，那么未來你就不會有太多活要干了。我就很喜歡自己提前把工作做完，然后等到老板問我工作做得怎么樣了，我再交給他，說我剛干完。他是那個決定我的工作應該多久完成的人，而我是在達成他的期望。
I didn't attend one of my courses when I was studying abroad in Spain. I looked for the classroom on day one, couldn't find it, just didn't go for the rest of the semester. They chalked it up to an administrative error and i got full credit for the program.
我在西班牙留學的時候，有一門課沒有上。上課的第一天我去找教室，結果沒找到，然后這個學期我就都沒去上。他們把這件事算作他們的行政失誤，然后給了我整節課的學分。
I did this too! There were absolutely no consequences except that now 5 years later I regularly have nightmares about being at university during finals week and realizing I haven't attended a single class and am going to fail.
我也這么干過！根本沒有任何的不良后果，除了五年之后我仍然會做噩夢，夢見自己在上大學而且是考試周，但是我發現自己一節課都沒上過，馬上就要掛科了。
I used to have these types of dreams too until I started teaching. Now they’re dreams about showing up to class with no lessons prepared or backup worksheets to pass out.
我以前也會做這種夢，直到我自己也開始當老師?，F在我的噩夢變成站在講臺上發現自己沒備課，也沒準備隨堂測驗了。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處
I've been browsing reddit for three hours while I'm supposed to be working.
我已經刷了三個小時的reddit了，我本來應該工作的。
Same, but I am supposed to be sleeping.
我也一樣，但我本來是應該睡覺的。
Most of the time when I go to the bathroom at work I don't actually have to go to the bathroom, I just wanna sit down for 5 minutes and not get bitched at for it.
在我上班的時候，我去廁所一般都不是因為我真的得去方便，我只是想安靜地坐五分鐘不被人罵。
i work from home and still do this
我在家工作，但我也會這么做。
If people are still allowed to take smoke breaks, shit breaks should count as well.
如果人們還可以休息一下去吸煙的話，那么休息一下去拉個屎也應該算休息。
An ex of mine wasn't a smoker, but started carrying a pack of cigarettes in her bag so that she too could go for "smoke breaks" outside.
我有個前任自己并不吸煙，但是她的包里會經常放一包煙，這樣她上班的時候也可以出去“抽根煙”。
I added up once, at a company I was at, for people who went for cigarette breaks, not only how many times, but how long they were out there shooting the shit. It was also interesting because if one would go, they would all go. Which meant that the heavier smokers were making the lighter smokers actually smoke more. But I figured out it would be about 20-25 days off if I collected the same time and took it at once.
我曾經在之前工作過的一家公司里計算過那些出去抽煙的人抽了幾次煙，以及每次抽多久。這一點很有趣，因為只要有一個人愿意出去吸煙，所有人就都會跟著去。這意味著那些吸煙多的人會讓吸煙少的人多吸一點。但是我發現如果我把全部的吸煙時長都加在一起，然后一起休息的話，那么我能休大概20-25天的假。
When I worked retail, I’d take a bathroom break once an hour for like 5 minutes. It was the only time besides lunch when I could sit down for awhile. My feet always hurt so bad.
我以前干零售的時候，每小時都會去趟廁所坐五分鐘。除了午餐時間之外，那是我唯一能夠坐下的時間。我的腳總是疼得要命。
I am the one who clogged the office toilet today.
今天辦公室馬桶堵了，是我干的。
We had some dude that would grab a triple whopper and large milkshake a couple times a week at work. He wasn’t a small man. You saw the sweat start to form on the brow and about a hour later and he’d waddle off to the toilet. I don’t know how this man did it, but he defied gravity and somehow shat on the underside of the toilet seat with the force of Poseidon’s fury. Also stank up most of a 12,000sq ft facility.
我有個同事，每星期都會點幾次三層皇堡和大杯奶昔。他不是什么小個子。你可以看見汗珠開始在他的眉毛上滲出來，過了一個小時他就步履蹣跚地去廁所了。我不知道這兄弟是怎么辦到的，但是他無視了重力，以雷霆萬鈞之勢把屎拉到了馬桶座圈的背面。12000平方英尺的設施都被他弄得臭味熏天。
我一直都為保潔阿姨潘女士感到難過。
Pam, like all cleaning personnel, has stories she could tell, but doesn’t, because The Knowledge can traumatize people who are not ready to hear of such things.
潘女士，就像所有的保潔人員一樣，有很多的故事可以講，但是她不會講，因為她那禁忌的知識會給那些沒準備好聆聽這種故事的人帶來創傷。
I let my boss think I'm dumb so he gives me less work
我讓老板以為我很蠢，于是他就給我更少的工作。
I let my boss think it takes me WAAAAYYY longer to do my work so that I get less of it. Trust me, it's a lifehack. I say that as a person who was previously overworked and burned out bad.
我讓老板認為我需要完成工作的時間非常長，于是我就能少接一點活。相信我，這是個生活小技巧。之前我曾經嚴重超負荷工作過，把自己累得很厲害。
If I were your boss, I'd be ok with that as long as you make less mistakes than others. Nobody likes a subordinate who works "fast" and makes too many mistakes so others have to clean up.
如果我是你的老板，那么只要你能比別人犯的錯誤少一些，那么我就覺得沒問題。沒有人會喜歡一個雖然干活很“快”但是卻也會犯很多錯誤讓別人擦屁股的下屬。
I have to interview people at work and I think I'm usually way more nervous than they are.
我的工作包括面試其他人，但我覺得自己通常比被面試的人還要緊張。
此外，當面試進行得不太順利，并且他們自己知道，他們也知道你知道他們自己知道的時候，那才是世界上最糟糕的感覺。你很想給他們一個擁抱，但是這是“不專業的?！?br>原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處
Once I'd been on the interviewER side, my advice to people who are nervous about job interviews has always been that the people interviewing you are nervous too, often are thinking about all the other stuff they'd rather be doing, and are just trying to get to know what you're like. The best interviews, in my opinion, are when the conversation just flows naturally and it stops being a direct Q-and-A session.
在我當過一次面試官之后，我對那些對工作面試感到緊張的人的建議就一直都是，那些面試你的人自己也很緊張，他們通常都在想自己本來想做什么別的事情，并且他們也只是想知道你是個什么人而已。最好的面試在我看來就是讓對話自由流動，而不是直接的你問我答環節。
I had to interview someone with my boss once. After the interview, my boss complemented my interview technique of leaving gaps in between the interviewees answers and my next question. He said its a good way of putting people under pressure or something like that. Little does he know I actually got flustered and had to keep checking my notes to figure out what questions I had asked and not asked. If he looked at me he'd see my hands were shaking from nerves!
我曾經和我的老板一起面試過別人。在面試結束之后，我的老板夸了兩句我的面試技巧，因為我在面試者的回答和我的下一個問題之間留了一段時間。他說這是讓別人感到壓力的好方法。其實他根本不知道我自己也慌得要命，只能一個勁地檢查我的筆記，看我還有哪個問題問了，哪個問題沒有問。如果他看我一眼，他就會發現我的手都在緊張得發抖！
I once ate 4 burritos in one day. Woke up, nobody was home, so I bought a burrito. Sister called me hours later saying if I wanted anything from the taco shop, since there were no witnesses I said buy me a burrito. Ate it. Then she left for work or something. Then my brother called, said if I wanted anything from the taco shop, again there were no witnesses so I said, another burrito. Ate it. Then I went drinking with friends. And here in San Diego everybody goes to the taco shop afterwards. So I had another burrito.
我曾經一天吃過四個墨西哥卷餅。早上起來家里沒人，于是我買了個墨西哥卷餅。幾小時之后姐姐給我打電話問我要不要從墨西哥餐廳帶點東西給我，因為家里沒人看見我早上吃的什么，所以我跟她說給我買個墨西哥卷餅。我吃了。然后她就去工作了。然后我哥又給我打電話，說他在墨西哥餐廳要不要帶點東西給我，還是沒人知道我吃了啥，所以我又跟他說給我帶個卷餅。又吃了。然后我就跟朋友們出門喝酒了。在圣迭戈，所有人喝完酒都要去一趟墨西哥餐廳，于是我就又吃了個墨西哥卷餅。
The only reason I took my vitamins today its because they are in gummy form.
我今天吃了維生素的唯一原因，是它是軟糖。
Thanks for reminding me to take my vitamin.
謝謝你提醒我吃維生素。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處
everytime my friend asks me to play valorant with him, i don't actually want to play valorant. I just really like talking to him, he's cool
每次我朋友讓我陪他玩瓦羅蘭特，我其實都不是想要玩瓦羅蘭特。我只是真的很喜歡陪他聊天，他很酷。
Hey i think that's even better. U play with ur friend because u genuinely enjoy spending time with him.
嘿我覺得其實這更棒啊。你陪朋友玩，是因為你真的很喜歡陪他打發時間。
Sometimes the homies sit in a channel an talk shit while only one guy plays, it's actually pretty chill
有時候幾個哥們聚在一個頻道里，只有一個人在打游戲，剩下的都在扯閑篇。其實真的挺放松的。
i miss the days like this, was always at least me and one other person gaming, with some other friends just hopping in for some fun. now its a few messages a month if i’m lucky
我很懷念這種時光，我和一個人在打游戲，剩下的朋友只是過來嘮兩句?，F在一個月也說不上幾句話了。
About half an hour ago I farted really bad in the chip aisle at the supermarket. It was silent but deadly. I got the fuck out of there when I smelled it since there was no one around and no one would know it was me once I cleared the scene. When I looped around to go to the checkout a few mins later there was some kid running around and stops dead in her tracks where I had farted and made the most traumatized disgusted face. Her mother was right behind her and started whisper shouting at her if she had pooped her pants again and she starts saying she didn’t.
大概半小時之前我在超市的薯片區那里放了個特別特別臭的屁。一聲不響但是臭得要命的那種。我一聞到味就趕緊跑了，因為旁邊沒有人，只要我走了就沒人知道是我放的。幾分鐘之后我繞了一圈打算去收銀臺，我看到有個小姑娘在跑來跑去，跑到我放屁的地方，然后突然就一動不動了，臉上是我見過的最痛苦、最惡心的表情。她的媽媽就站在她后面，輕聲問她是不是又拉褲子了，她說她沒有。
孩子，我知道你沒有。是我放的?？赡苁且驗槲页缘慕饦岕~三明治。
I wasn’t sick today. I had a hangover.
我今天其實沒生病。我只是宿醉了。
Oh man, once I had a hangover for two days. Pretty sure I was just poisoned at that point. I called out of work on a Monday after drinking on a Saturday. I have never been that drunk since, and my stomach still rolls when I recollect it.
哦天哪，我曾經宿醉過兩天?？赡芪叶贾卸玖?。周六喝完酒我周一都請了假。我此后再也沒那么醉過，而且現在回憶起來我的胃都難受。
I'm so tired with what I'm studying at the university and not because I don't like what I study but because the study center where I am is so mediocre, last week I heard a teacher say "I didn't teach you anything because you already know a lot" and just wtf is that mindset? I feel like I'm paying for a diploma and I hate that.
我大學讀得太累了，而且并不是因為我不喜歡自己學的東西，而是因為我所身處的學習環境簡直太普通了，上周我聽一個老師說“我沒教你們什么有用的東西，因為你們已經知道不少了”，這他媽到底是什么思維方式？我感覺自己就是在花錢買一份文憑，我不喜歡這種感覺。
I feel yeah. Im about to graduate and I am mildly panicking over the fact that I have no idea how to actually work in my "field".
深有同感。我馬上就要畢業了，現在我也很害怕自己根本就不知道怎么在自己的“領域”去工作。
There’s a huge disconnect between the academic and working worlds. You won’t know how to do your job for the first six months. Then, after a year, you’ll have a clue. A year later and you’ll have it down. Everyone out there already knows this, and won’t think less of you as long as you’re trying.
學術界和工作領域之間實際上存在著巨大的鴻溝。你在剛開始上班的六個月里是不可能知道該怎么完成你的工作的。然后過一年，你可能心里會有點數。再過一年你才能徹底掌握。已經參加工作的所有人都清楚這一點，因此只要你還肯嘗試，他們就不會看扁你的。
i struggle to find a good balance between overthinking and reflecting
我很難在自我反省和過度思考之間找到一個好的平衡。
I would like to disappear. Get in my car and drive somewhere. Tell people I'm leaving and will be back, but not telling them where.
我現在很想消失。跳進車里隨便開到什么地方。跟朋友們說我要走了，我會回來，但不告訴他們我要去哪。
然后過幾個星期再回來。
我很清楚我根本就去不起，但是幾個月以來我一直都有這種想法。
I loathe every single person other than one at my current job, and nothing gets me through shifts more than the knowledge that I only have 4 more days there
我痛恨現在這份工作里除了我之外的每一個人，支撐我堅持著繼續干完下一班的事實就是我再待四天就能走了。
When no one is watching I’m completely useless. I will lay in bed for 24 hrs without even eating or drinking, just scrolling through Reddit and TikTok. But when there are others around I can be the most productive, healthy, and energetic person you’ve ever met.
沒人看著我的時候我就屁用沒有。我可以24小時都躺在床上，不吃不喝，刷抖音和reddit。但是身邊有人的時候我就可以成為世界上最有生產力，最健康，最有活力的人。
I'm exactly the same... Like I'm only able to live properly for other people, but I can't bring up any motivation to do anything useful for my self when I'm on my own...
我跟你一模一樣……就好像我只能活給別人看，但是我獨處的時候卻不能給自己任何做有用的事情的動機……
the only reason i’m charismatic is because i copy other people’s social behaviours unconsciously
我有魅力的唯一原因，就是我會下意識地模仿其他人的社交行為。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處
As I get older, I'm starting to realize that people aren't conveniently divided into "people I'll like" and "people I don't like". People that I first slotted into the former can have traits I absolutely despise, and people that I first slotted into the latter can turn out to have traits I adore.
隨著我年齡越來越大，我開始意識到我不能簡單地把人們分成“我喜歡的人”和“我不喜歡的人”兩類。那些我一開始歸類為前一種的人，也會擁有一些讓我無比厭惡的特質，但是那些一開始被我歸類我后一種的人，也會擁有一些我崇拜的特質。
如果我要把所有做過我不喜歡的事情的人都劃掉的話，那我就誰也不認識了。想要成為一個懂得交際的成年人，你就得一定程度上去妥協自己對他人的忍受。
我因為沒能早點意識到這一點而有種負罪感。