我該如何保護自己不被言語威脅(三)

Andrianto Hadi, I Graduated From High School 20 Years Ago

安德里安托·哈迪，我高中畢業20年了

Why nobody suggests to fight back ? I am not promoting a violence, but sometimes we can’t let bullying go easily by simply ignoring it or walking away from it. Verbal bullying means the use of harsh words to humiliate the victims and simply not taking it into heart will not end the bullying.
I agree if at first, taking a calm reaction and simply ignoring the doer is a good a tip to avoid more serious problem but if it happens all the time then confronting the doer is must.
I got bullied during junior high school and at first, I let them bullied me and I decided to ignore them in the hope they would let me go but it didn’t stop. So one day I said enough and decided to fight back and it ended the bullying for good.
You want to know how I fight back ? I punched the doer right in his face as he was extorting me at school canteen and we fought like hell while being watched by other students. We both got suspended but after that, they didn’t dare to bully me anymore and I got respect from everyone.
It worked for me to end bullying that happened to me, but again I didn’t promote violence.

為什么沒有人建議反擊？我并不是在提倡暴力，但有時，我們不能簡單地忽視或逃避霸凌，就輕易地讓它過去。言語霸凌是指使用刻薄的語言來羞辱受害者，僅僅不把它放在心上并不能結束霸凌。
我同意，如果一開始，采取冷靜的反應，簡單地忽略行為人是一個避免更嚴重問題的好建議，但如果這種情況一直發生，那么就必須面對行為人。
我在初中時被欺負，起初，我讓他們欺負我，決定無視他們，希望他們會放我走，但這并沒有停止他們繼續欺負我。所以有一天，我說得夠多了后，決定反擊，這就永遠結束了欺凌。
你想知道我是怎么反擊的嗎？在學校食堂勒索我的時候，我一拳打在了那個行為人的臉上，我們在其他學生的注視下拼命打架。我們都被阻止了，但在那之后，他們再也不敢欺負我了，我得到了大家的尊重。
我成功地結束了發生在我身上的欺凌行為，但我并不是在提倡暴力。

David Allweiss, Attorney (2000-present)
Here’s an obxtive way to do it:
(1). Don’t. You’re not on trial, you’re not under the gun, and you don’t have to prove anything to them.
(2). Laugh at them.
PS - “Kick their ass” works if you live in the Stone Age or in the Marvel Comics Universe, where there is no such as assault charges.

以下是一種客觀的方法：
1、.不要理會，你不是在受審，你不是在槍口之下，你不需要向他們證明任何事情。
2、嘲笑他們。
如果你生活在石器時代或漫威漫畫的世界里，“踢他們的屁股”是有效的，因為那里沒有人身攻擊指控。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處

Bill Remer, former FA Engineer at Retired (1985-2016)
I put up with it, once or twice. After that, I start looking for weaknesses to retaliate with.
I was a supervisor at a retail store, one of the girls who worked for me began to call me “melvin”(apparently she thought that made me sound less than manly).. I put up with it a few times, thought about using my (very little) leverage as her supervisor, then looked for a weakness.She was slightly heavy, but clearly was going to “double in value” before she hit 25. So each time she called me “melvin”, I responded, “OK, chubbs” after the 3rd or 4th time.
I knew nearly all teen girls are sensitive about their weight.

我忍受了一兩次之后，開始尋找弱點進行報復。
我是一家零售店的主管，其中一個為我工作的女孩開始叫我“梅爾文”（男巫：顯然她認為這讓我聽起來沒那么顯男子氣概）。我忍了幾次，我想過利用我作為她上司的(微不足道的)優勢，然后尋找弱點。她有點重，但很明顯，在她25歲之前，她的體重會“翻一番”。所以，每次她叫我“梅爾文”，我都會在第三次或第四次后回答，“好的，肥仔”。
我知道幾乎所有十幾歲的女孩都對自己的體重很敏感。

Jenae Adams, ThetaHealing, NLP, EMDR, Hypnotherapy & CBT
Believe in who you are and just be kind and respectful. You can’t control what they say or do but you can, however, control how you react. Know you are awesome and take whatever anyone says to you that is crude or mean and let it roll over you. They are looking for a reaction from you, all they want is some attention. The worst thing you can do to them is be kind when they are mean.
I can relate to you alot, I was verbally bullied for 18 years of my life. It’s not an easy thing to get through. If I could go back and tell myself something it would be to speak up and say something to the bullies in a calm, stern voice along the lines of “I’m sorry you feel that way but I’m okay.. thanks for asking.” And then walk away.

相信你是誰，只是要友善和尊重。你不能控制他們說什么或做什么，但你可以控制自己的反應。要知道你很了不起，不管別人對你說什么粗魯或刻薄的話，都讓它影響你。他們在觀察你的反應，他們想要的只是一些關注。你能對他們做的最糟糕的事就是在他們刻薄的時候對他們友善。
我和你有很多共鳴，我18年來一直遭遇言語施暴，這不是一件容易的事。如果我能回到過去，告訴自己一些事情，那就是大聲說出來，用平靜、嚴厲的聲音對那些欺負我的人說些什么，比如“我很抱歉讓你這么想，但我沒事?！敝x謝你的關心?！比缓笞唛_。

Gina
I can understand why you would feel afraid. Just about anyone would be. I suggest talking to your parents or a trusted adult and let them help you to consider your options and be honest on how you feel about their suggestions they are offering , you don’t want to find yourself in a even more uncomfortable spot then you feel like you are in now.
My son had a similar problem, he was a little guy and very shy. School mates and neighbor hood kids picked and bullied him a lot. As parents, my husband and I didn’t know what to do about it. My son didn’t want us to go to the school and talk to the teacher or principal. Even if we did it wasn’t going to address the bullying that went on outside of school. We had a few options, and the best one we came up with was martial arts. It did the trick. He never had to use it, he never threatened to use it, or boast about taking the classes it just built up his self esteem, he became more confident and less afraid. He felt secure enough to pick friends that cared about him. I am not saying that martial arts is your answer, but what I am saying is there is a solution believe that. You just have to weigh your options with the help of someone you trust.

我能理解你為什么會感到害怕。幾乎任何人都會這樣。我建議與你的父母或一個值得信任的成年人談談，讓他們幫助你考慮你的選擇，并誠實地說出你對他們提供的建議的感受，你不想發現自己處于一個比你現在感覺的更不舒服的位置。
我兒子也有類似的問題，他是個小個子，非常害羞。同學們和鄰居的孩子們經常欺負他。作為父母，我和丈夫不知道該怎么辦。我兒子不想讓我們去學校和老師或校長說。即使我們這樣做了，也無法解決校外發生的欺凌行為。我們有幾個選擇，我們想出的最好的選擇是武術。它成功了。他從不需要使用它，也從不威脅要使用它，也從不吹噓自己參加的課程。它只是建立起他的自尊，他變得更加自信，不再那么害怕。他覺得有足夠的安全感來挑選關心他的朋友。我并不是說武術是你的答案，但我想說相信這一點：總會有解決辦法。你只需要在你信任的人的幫助下權衡你的選擇。

Ion Best, Been bullied the entire time in school
There was a cartoon, Yu Gi Oh! or The Saman King or something of the sort. Was watching it as a kid and there was this episode when this Shaman didn't want to fight because he didn't believe that his opponents deserved being destroyed or something.
He said, I'm not going to fight you. And they kept insisting and finally attacked him with their Shamans.
All their hits went through him or missed, and his friends wondered how was that possible. Why wasn't he injured? He answered that if he doesn't take it personally, those attacks can't hurt him.
Same applies here. You can be called a fag or ugly and you might be both or neither but in the end what you are called doesn't define. Only your answer to this defines you.
The wisest thing would be to completely ignore the other person.
If you still want to hurt them back try thinking beforehand of something funny to say about them and then say that you're joking.
Or you can say, you know what, I also think that I'm ugly. Or, I don't know, I don't really like boys (or girls) but who knows. I actually have never thought of it.
Rationalize the fuck out of it.
But remember what I said in the beginning, don't get upset. Smile.

有一部動畫片《游戲王》 ！或者《The Saman King》之類的。我小時候看的時候，其中有一集薩滿不想打架，因為他不相信他的對手應該被摧毀或其他什么。
他說，我不會和你打架。他們一直堅持，最后用他們的薩滿攻擊了他。
他們的攻擊要么擊中了他，要么沒擊中，他的朋友們想知道他為什么沒有受傷？他回答說，如果他不把這件事放在心上，那些襲擊不會傷害到他。
這里也同樣適用。你可以被稱為同性戀或丑八怪，你可能兩者都是，也可能都不是，但最終你被稱為什么并不能定義你，只有你對這個問題的回答才能定義你。
最明智的做法是完全忽視對方。
如果你還想傷害他們，試著事先想一些關于他們的有趣的事情，然后說你在開玩笑。
或者你可以說，你知道嗎，我也覺得我很丑?；蛘?，我不知道，我真的不喜歡男孩（或女孩），但誰知道呢。其實我從來沒有想過。
給它找個借口。
但是記住我剛開始說的話，不要難過，微笑。

Joseph Molion
To me, words only have the power to hurt if you don't have the mental discipline to push those words aside. Words lose power when you don't take them to heart.
If you just cannot let it go, as so many of us can't, another approach is to listen to what the verbal bully is saying, and retort using logic and reason. Not to engage in mud slinging, per se, but to respond with disarming rhetoric. No argument exists, that cannot be refuted. I firmly believe this.
So, if you can't ignore it, fight words with an arsenal of your own well considered responses. I've rarely had occasion to do more than speak a few well chosen words, to shut down a bully in mid-rant.

對我來說，只有當你沒有做過心能訓練以能不理會那些話時，言語才有傷害的力量。如果你不把話放在心上，它就會失去力量。
如果你就是不能放手，就像我們中的許多人那樣做不到，另一種方法是傾聽言語施暴者所說的話，并用邏輯和理性進行反駁。就其本身而言，不是要進行誹謗，而是用解除武裝的言辭來回應。我堅信這一點：不存在無法反駁的論點。
所以，如果你不能忽視它，那就用你自己經過深思熟慮的回答來與之抗爭吧。除了說幾句精心挑選的話語，來制止一個正在咆哮的惡霸，很少有機會做別的事。

Beverly Congdon, I've been blessed to know Jesus for 50 years and study His word for that long.
You must deal with the abuse in a strong, definitive way the first time it happens. You could say, I won’t tolerate being talked to in a condesending way. I know you don’t really want to put me down (if this is true) Let’s talk about the issue. You seem angry about something, shall we talk? If it happens again, you can leave the room and not speak to him again unless there is a genuine change of mind. If this is a continuing problem, I would contact a good friend and tell him about the situation and ask him to be your accountability partner to hold the abuser accountable. You could even tell the abuser that you have done this and will continue until he stops. Of course, if there is no change, you must leave him with the notice that you will reconcile with a Counsellor when he’s ready.

第一次發生虐待時，你必須以有力、明確的方式處理。你可以說，我不能容忍別人以一種譴責的方式跟我說話。我知道你真的不想讓我失望（如果這是真的），讓我們談談這個問題。你似乎因什么事而生氣，我們談談好嗎？如果這種情況再次發生，你可以離開房間，不再和他說話，除非你真的改變了主意。如果持續這樣，我會聯系一個好朋友，告訴他情況，并請他成為你的見證者，讓施暴者承擔責任。你甚至可以告訴施虐者你已經這樣做了，并會一直持續到他停止為止。當然，如果沒有變化，你必須通知他，當律師準備好時，要他去與律師交流。

Kearra Banks
I've been verbally abused by my own parents which is so fucked up that they'd speak to their own kid less than an animal. I felt like I was about to go insane at one point. They'd belittle my intelligence and I can't stand when someone insults my looks or intelligence. I'd wished to be removed from the home as a kid and placed with parents that wouldn't verbally or physically abuse me no matter what. I was making good grades and a part of the National Honor Society for crying out loud!! And they insult my intelligence?!! Wtf! Karma will bite them in the ass.

我被我自己的父母言語施暴過，他們對自己的孩子說的話比動物還少。我覺得自己有點快要發瘋了。他們會貶低我的智慧，當有人侮辱我的容貌或智慧時，我無法忍受。當我還是個孩子的時候，我就希望從家里搬出去，住在無論如何都不會在言語上或身體上虐待我的父母那里。我成績很好，還成為了國家榮譽協會的一員!他們侮辱我的智商?!臥槽 !他們會槽報應的。

Rama Lakshmi, studied Nutrition and Food Science at Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning
Fight of wits is more important than verbal abuse. Best way of defending is to just ignore them and not get affected. See they’re barking dogs. But if you wish to fight back ( which sometimes you have to!) then with minimal talking show them their standards! that’s it! Nothing’s gonna happen if you sit over it and crib you see? Verbal abuse can be easily ignored. If you get irritated, the other party will irritate you more!

斗智斗勇比辱罵更重要。最好的防御方式就是無視他們，不要受到影響?？?，他們在如狗一樣叫。但如果你想反擊（有時你不得不這么做?。┤缓笥米钌俚难哉Z以他們的標準回應他們！就是這樣！如果你坐在它旁邊，看著它，什么都不會發生。言語虐待很容易被忽視，如果你被激怒了，對方會更加激怒你！

Jessica Hitch, Reiki Master-Teacher at Peaceful Presents (2009-present)
Yes, by ending relationships with them once I realized what they were doing, I prevented later verbal abuse.
In the moment of verbal abuse, I have “observed rather than absorbed” and avoided adding fuel to the fire by remaining silent, but that didn’t necessarily stop it.
I have also left the environment and locked myself in my own car as he continued to verbally abuse me

是的，一旦我意識到他們在做什么，我就結束了與他們的關系，這樣我就避免了后來的言語虐待。
在辱罵的時刻，我“觀察而不是吸收”，并通過保持沉默避免火上澆油，但這并不一定能阻止它。
當他繼續辱罵我時，我就離開那種環境，把自己鎖在自己的車里。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處

Mary Bowerman, Skeptical Grouch (1984-present)
There’s always the ever-so-grown-up, “I know you are, but what am I?”
I may do the thundering silence, whilst piercing the abuser with my basilisk stare.
I may burst out laughing, if their effort was lame.
If, reviewing the circumstances, I can honestly believe that I fed into that person’s anger, I may apologize for MY part of what happened.
Getting to the bottom line: I won’t tolerate abuse. If this is a person I must deal with on an on-going basis, I will be communicating with them only in writing. And I will document, document, document.
If this abusive person is part of a family or social circle, I will not be spending time with them. I may be remotely polite if forced to speak. I will not be unpleasant unless the abuser repeats this behavior.
I will call them out, I will ostracize them, and if the comment is slanderous, I will file charges.

他們總是會說:“我知道你是，但我是什么?”
我可能會沉默不語，同時用蛇怪般的目光刺穿施暴者。
如果他們的努力是徒勞的，我可能會突然大笑起來。
如果回顧一下當時的情況，我可以誠實地相信我助長了那個人的憤怒，我可能會為發生的事情中我的那部分因素而道歉。
說到底：我不會容忍虐待。如果這是一個我必須持續與之打交道的人，我將僅以書面形式與他們溝通。我會記錄，記錄，記錄。
如果這個虐待者是家庭或社交圈的一部分，我就不會和他們在一起。 如果被逼著說話，我可能會稍微客氣一點。除非施暴者重復這種行為，否則我不會感到不快。
我會把他們叫出來，我會排斥他們，如果評論是誹謗性的，我會提起訴訟。

Bill Jones, Research and Development Engineer (1983-present)

比爾·瓊斯，研發工程師(1983年至今)

verbal attacks. i dont do verbal attacks.
more correctly, i dont seem to attract all that many. i dont really know why that is but heres my guess.
for one, ive had more than a few incidents that suggest that i look like law enforcement. they dont all look the same so i dont know why. when younger more like a big charles manson. i think that letting off steam by venting it on random victims thus looks enough like a bad idea that i dont see it in the general public.
at work i always establish that i am who to come see for the things i do, and i leave the things that u dont do alone. theres occasionally some asshole at a new job who wants to accomplish i dont know what by showing me up. i ignore it until it interferes with something and then i have the talk. the talk that clearly demonstrates that if i was elected to do the thing that brought your act on, then you can bet your ass i understand it clearly before i do any of it, and just exactly how wise you would be to have an argument with me over it in private before in public.
those attacks happen once every 10 years
one other happens about once every two years. me and the vp. his age is more apparent in his thinking than mine. so he is more often sure he asked me in writing the thing that neither of us can find a record of. being vpish he yells some. i get what the problem is, and so it passes with an apology the next day.

言語攻擊：我不會去言語攻擊。
更準確地說，我似乎吸引不了那么多的人。我真的不知道為什么，但這是我的猜測。
首先，我經歷過不少事件，讓我看起來像執法人員。他們看起來不都一樣，所以我不知道為什么。年輕的時候更像個查爾斯·曼森。我認為把怒氣發泄到隨機的受害者身上看起來是一個很糟糕的主意，我在公眾中看不到這一點。
在工作中，我總是建立這樣的觀念:我做的事情應該由我來做，你沒有做的事情我就不去做。在新工作中，偶爾會有一些混蛋想通過出現在我面前來完成我不知道的事情。我忽略它，直到它干擾到某些東西，然后我才開始說話。這番話清楚地表明，如果我選擇做讓你的行為受到影響的事，那你可以跟我打賭，在我動手之前，我就搞清楚了，你要是能在公開場合之前私下里跟我討論這個問題，那該有多明智。
這些襲擊每10年發生一次
另一種大約每兩年發生一次。我和副總裁。他比我顯得幼稚。因此，所以他更確信他讓我寫了我們都找不到記錄的事情。作為一名副總統，他大喊大叫。我明白了問題所在，所以第二天我就道歉了。

so to me it seems like avoiding trouble has at least the element of understanding issues before you start doing or yacking about them and maybe wearing a heavy hunting jacket to look big.
this brings to mind the apparent calling out fad we have going. if i judge by you tube, which may be a bad idea, this can look like an attack on someone who is wondering what is going on and be by more than one person. i think that the few i have seen didnt defend themselves because they were totally unprepared.
it is possible that they did something to provoke the attack without realizing it. i can see that kind of person, the minding his own business and not realizing that this was a thing, could percieve the need to defend. like this question suggests.
im saying here that you might see a need to get this answered because you are often in an environment where its easy for this to happen and you havent thought through how to manage it, which includes a brief review of what your stance is with respect to the issues that precipitate it and what you are going to do if it happens.
i am aware of this stuff. so, using this as an example, i am as prepared as i can be to handle such a thing. which will guarantee that, if it happens, it wont happen again.

所以在我看來，避免麻煩至少需要在你開始做事情或喋喋不休地談論它們之前先了解問題，也許還需要穿一件厚重的狩獵夾克來顯大。
這讓人想起了我們正在流行的大聲呼喊的時尚。如果我從油管上判斷的話，這可能是一個壞主意，這可能看起來像是對一個想知道發生了什么事情的人的攻擊，并且是由多個人發起的。我認為我所見過的少數人沒有自衛是因為他們完全沒有準備。
有可能是他們做了什么事，在沒有意識到的情況下挑起了這次攻擊。 我能看到那種人，只顧著自己的事情，沒有意識到這是一件事，可以感覺到捍衛的需要。就像這個問題所暗示的。
我在這里說，你可能會覺得有必要回答這個問題，因為你經常處于一個容易發生這種情況的環境中，你還沒有想過如何管理它，這包括一個簡短的回顧，你的立場是什么，關于促成它的問題，如果它發生了，你要做什么。
我知道這件事。所以，以這個為例，我已經做好了處理這種事情的準備。這將保證，如果它發生，它不會再次發生。

Edward Lee, former Store Standard Associate at Walmart (2009-2010)
Set your boundaries, and do not be afraid to defend them. Also, remember, even if you are a paraplegic quadriplegic, you have the ability as well as the freedom to remove yourself from where bullying is happening. You have the freedom, prerogative and responsibility to stand up for and defend yourself against bullying, and you have the freedom, prerogative and responsibilty to reach and seek out help and support. You have the freedom, prerogative and responsibility to check yourself to ensure whatever bullying you personally experience(d) goes no further. The cycle ends with you. The bullying stops with you.

設定你的界限，不要害怕，去捍衛它們。此外，請記住，即使你是截癱的四肢癱瘓患者，你有能力，也有自由，遠離欺凌發生的地方。你有自由、權力和責任來維護和捍衛自己反對欺凌，你有自由、權力和責任去尋求幫助和支持。你有檢查自己的自由、特權和責任，以確保你個人經歷的任何欺凌不再繼續發生。循環在你身上結束，霸凌到此為止。

Ron Richardson, Retired soldier who has been there, done that, and thinks!
If you were a grownup and knew who you are and who you are not, no one would bully you, one way or another.
Grownups don’t put up with being bullied; they put them in their place, which is at the curb.
Grownups don’t give their permission to bullies to bully them or hurt them in any way; no one can hurt you without your permission.
Stand on your own two feet, instead of cowering like a child. You do not need to be mean about it; you just tell the bullier that you know what they are doing, that you will not accept it for one more second, and if the do, they’re finished = GET OUT!
Do you really need to be hurt all the time? NO! So stop putting up with it.
Just say NO!

如果你是一個成年人，知道自己是誰，知道自己不是誰，沒有人會以這樣或那樣的方式欺負你。
成年人不會容忍被欺負；他們把它們放在他們該在的地方，也就是路邊。
成年人不允許欺負者以任何方式欺負或傷害他們；沒有你的允許，任何人都不能傷害你。
靠自己的雙腳站著，不要像個孩子一樣畏縮不前。你不必對此做出解釋;你只要告訴他們你知道他們在做什么，你一秒鐘也不會接受，如果他們還繼續，他們就完蛋了—讓他們滾!
你真的需要一直受到傷害嗎？不！所以不要再忍受了。
說不就行了！

Margaret Liwski
Do what ever you have to, to make the Bully Realize you will Fight them. Who cares if you get suspended or punished.
Smash their head into a desk, break their jaw, take the heaviest book you can find and smash their head with it. Dump an entire WET Lunch over their head or in their lap. Scream at the top you your lungs so everyone is looking at you and the Bully and Repeat everything they just said
State:
The Only Thing Necessary for the Triumph of Evil is that Good Men Do Nothing
The only thing that STOPS a BULLY is GROUP FORCE. Use any weapon you can to fight the B17CH./B@$T@RD that you have to.
Physical Bullying, the pain goes away as you can’t remember physical Pain, but Verbal Abuse, Humiliation will live with you your whole life. Verbally Abused Wives have killed their husbands for the abuse they suffered for years.

無論你做什么，都要讓惡霸意識到你會與他們戰斗，如果你被停學或處罰也不在乎。
把他們的頭撞到桌子上，打斷他們的下巴，拿著你能找到的最重的書，用它砸他們的頭。把一頓濕漉漉的午餐倒在他們的頭上或膝蓋上。大聲尖叫，這樣大家都看著你和惡霸，重復他們剛剛說過的一切。
狀態：
邪惡獲得勝利的唯一必要條件是好人什么都不做。
唯一能阻止惡霸的是團體力量。使用任何你能使用的武器來對抗他們，你必須這么做。
身體上的欺凌，疼痛會消失，因為你不記得身體上的痛苦，但言語虐待，羞辱會伴隨你一生。遭受言語施暴的妻子因為多年來遭受的虐待而殺害丈夫。

Arthur Pearson, Close family member escaped her abuser
Silence is more threatening than trash talk.
Make note (or record) what they say to you, and tell them to stop.
Once.
Once and only once - make sure to make it clear. After you tell them to stop, ask if they understand. Once you’re sure they understand, stop talking to them.
Watch them.
Make notes about what they’re doing, for use in the investigation - you’re gathering proof and a pattern of behavior that the authorities might use to convict them if anything ever happens to you.

沉默比說些廢話更具威脅性。
記下（或記錄）他們對你說的話，并告訴他們停止。
一次
定要說清楚就這一次。在你告訴他們停止之后，問他們是否理解。一旦你確定他們明白了，就不要再和他們說話了。
看著他們。
記錄他們正在做什么，以便在調查中使用——你正在收集證據和其行為模式，如果你發生啥事情，當局可能會用這些證據和行為模式來給他們定罪。