你長久婚姻的秘密是什么(一)

Aisha Ali, artist ,writer ,poetess
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. People are supposed to marry to procreate, start a family, and cherish their love with their own spouse, children, and grandchildren for the rest of their lives. In other words, marriage is supposed to be built to last.
If there is one good secret to having a lasting marriage, it would be to make oneself ready to enter into this kind of relationship. You should not just marry a person because you have fallen in love and you feel like you already want to spend the rest of your life with her or him.
What if you get married? What happens now? How would you really spend the rest of your life with your chosen wife or husband? It’s natural to fall in love. It’s easy to make a wedding vow. But in order to fulfill your promise, you need to know how you will exactly do that.
To guide you, here are some tips to make your marriage healthy and long-lasting:

婚姻是一生的承諾。人們應該結婚生子，建立家庭，并珍惜與配偶、子女和孫子孫女的愛，直到余生。換句話說，婚姻應該是建立在持久的基礎上的。
如果有一個好的秘密，有一個持久的婚姻，這將是使自己準備進入這種關系。你不應該僅僅因為愛上一個人而結婚，而應該是你覺得你已經想和她或他共度余生了。
如果你結婚了呢？現在發生了什么？你將如何與你選擇的妻子或丈夫共度余生？墜入愛河是很自然的。許愿很容易。但為了實現你的承諾，你需要知道你將如何做到這一點。
以下是一些能讓你的婚姻健康長久的小竅門：

1. Be independent from your parents and parents-in-law.
Live in a house which is separate from both of your parents. This will give your marriage the freedom it needs to mature and grow in its own way,
2. Bless your home and your marriage.
Blessings are what you earned by doing the right things and avoiding sins. Therefore, bless your home and your family, not only by praying but also by practicing righteousness and avoiding wickedness.
3. Do not envy other couples or people.
Be grateful for the blessings and graces you receive every day. Always thank your wife or husband for the little or great efforts they make to take care and love you. If you see happy couples or families, be inspired and happy to see them instead of being envious or bitter.

獨立于父母和公婆。
住在與父母分開的房子里。這會給你的婚姻帶來成熟和成長所需的自由，
祝福你的家和你的婚姻。
祝福是你通過做正確的事情和避免造惡而獲得的。因此，祝福你的家和你的家人，不僅要祈禱，而且要做好事，避免做惡。
不要嫉妒其他夫婦或人。
感謝你每天所得到的祝福和恩典。永遠感謝你的妻子或丈夫，感謝他們為照顧和愛你所付出的微薄或巨大的努力。如果你看到了其他幸福的夫妻或家庭，那么你應該為他們感到鼓舞和高興，而不是嫉妒或怨恨。

4. Know your marital duties and obligations.
Do not be ignorant of your marital responsibilities. Know that as husband and wife, the both of you are obliged to live together, support each other, be honest with each other, be faithful to each other, do procreation, and take care of your children.
5. Fulfill your marital obligations to each other.
Knowing your marital duties is not enough. Hence, don’t just be reminded but do your best to perform those obligations mentioned above.
6. Surrender your body to your wife or husband.
Let your spouse have the authority over your body, and vice versa. This means if your husband tells you not to wear revealing clothes, follow your husband. And for the husband, if your wife tells you not to touch or be touched by other women, then follow your wife.

了解你的婚姻責任和義務。
不要忽視你的婚姻責任。要知道，作為夫妻，你們生活在一起都是有義務的，互相支持，誠實相待，互相忠誠，生育，照顧孩子。
履行你們對彼此的婚姻義務。
僅僅知道你的婚姻義務是不夠的。因此，不要只是被提醒，而是盡你所能履行上述義務。
把你的身體交給你的妻子或丈夫。
讓你的配偶有權支配你的身體，反之亦然。這意味著如果你的丈夫告訴你不要穿暴露的衣服，要聽你的丈夫的話。至于丈夫，如果你的妻子告訴你不要碰或被別的女人碰，那就聽你的妻子的話。

7. Love yourself as you love your spouse.
Learn to love yourself. Have a balanced diet, do regular exercise, get enough sleep, avoid vices that get you sick, and always improve your personal development. Remember that you cannot love and take care of your family if you can’t even love and take care of yourself.
8. Be fearless and get rid of your insecurities.
Love your wife or husband without expecting love in return. Love your spouse without fearing that someday she or he will be gone. Enjoy giving pure love. Remember that the love you give will never be lost.
9. Trust your spouse.
Realize that trusting your partner is an essential key to having a long-lasting marriage. Know your spouse better. Listen to her or him. Stop making false assumptions. Unless there is clear evidence that your spouse is deceiving you, always treat her or him as a person who can be trusted.

像愛你的配偶一樣愛你自己。
學會愛自己。均衡的飲食，經常鍛煉，充足的睡眠，避免讓你生病的惡習，不斷提高你自己。記住，如果你連自己都不能愛和照顧好，你就不能愛和照顧你的家人。
無所畏懼，擺脫你的不安全感。
愛你的妻子或丈夫，不要期待愛的回報。愛你的配偶，不要害怕有一天她或他會離開。享受給予純潔的愛。記住，你給予的愛永遠不會被失去的。
相信你的配偶。
認識到信任你的伴侶是擁有長久婚姻的關鍵。更要了解你的配偶，聽她或他說，別再胡思亂想了。除非有明顯的證據表明你的配偶欺騙了你，否則一定要把她或他當作一個可以信任的人。

10. Be trustworthy.
Don’t ask your spouse to give you trust. Work hard, earn, and maintain it. Help your better half trust you easily.
11. Always thank your better half.
Thank your wife or husband for the care and sacrifice she or he is giving you. Let your better half feel that everything she or he does to you, even if they are just simple things, they are valued and appreciated.
12. Have more patience.
Stop complaining when your goals and wishes are not yet achieved. Understand that great things are worth the wait. Be calm and do not be easily angry. When you experience trials and challenges in your relationship, consider them as opportunities to strengthen the love and faithfulness in your marriage.

值得信賴。
不要要求你的配偶給你信任。努力工作，掙錢，維持生活。幫助你的另一半更容易信任你。
永遠感謝你的另一半。
感謝你的妻子或丈夫對你的關心和犧牲。讓你的另一半感覺到，她或他對你所做的一切，即使只是簡單的事情，都是值得珍惜和欣賞的。
多點耐心。
當你的目標和愿望還沒有實現時，不要抱怨。明白偉大的事情值得等待。保持冷靜，不要輕易生氣。當你在你們的關系中經歷考驗和挑戰時，把它們看作是加強婚姻中的愛和忠誠的機會。

13. If you get angry, get rid of it before the day ends.
Don’t let the day ends with hatred in your heart. Make peace with your wife or husband before the two of you sleep at night.
14. Be healthy and beautiful for your better half.
Continue impressing your spouse. Have good hygiene, maintain your natural beauty, go to the gym, do meditations, and eat a balanced diet to always look stunning for your wife
15. Avoid bad and toxic people.
Choose your friends and companions. Avoid people who will influence you to sin or do extramarital affairs. Stay away from people who will corrupt your good character and ruin your marriage.

如果你生氣了，在一天結束前把它處理掉。
不要讓這一天以你心中的仇恨而結束。在你們兩個晚上睡覺之前和你的妻子或丈夫和好。
為了你的另一半健康美麗。
持續給你的配偶留下深刻印象。保持良好的衛生習慣，保持你的自然美，去健身房，冥想，均衡飲食，讓你的妻子看起來美極了
避免壞人和會帶壞你的人。
選擇你的朋友和同伴。避開那些會連累你犯罪或引起婚外情的人。遠離那些會敗壞你良好品格，毀掉你婚姻的人。

16. Be mature and choose your priorities.
Prioritize your spouse, your children, your marriage, and your family over less significant things
17. Confess your sins and ask for forgiveness.
Stop pointing fingers and placing blame on your spouse. Admit your mistakes and sincerely ask your spouse for her or his forgiveness.
18. Pray to heal and forgive.
Meditate for enlightenment and pray for the healing of your heartaches. Take your time.

成熟一點，選擇你的優先事項。
把你的配偶、孩子、婚姻和家庭放在次要的事情前面；
懺悔你的罪惡，請求寬恕。
別再指責你的配偶了。承認你的錯誤，真誠地請求你的配偶原諒。
祈禱治愈和寬恕。
為開悟而冥想，為治愈你的心痛而祈禱，慢慢來。

19. Practice prudence.
Do not be hasty with your actions and decisions. Think twice and always consider the consequences before you make a move or a choice.
20. Be kind and compassionate.
Feel what your spouse feels. Experience your partner’s pain or joy. Have compassion by understanding the innermost needs of your wife or husband. Give your spouse comfort, embrace, kindness, if she or he needs them.
21. Be humble.
Learn how to swallow your pride so that you can practice humility, forgiveness, and gracefulness. Moreover, live a simple and quiet life with your family to avoid problems which are too difficult for you to handle.

謹慎行事。
你做行動和決定不要草率。三思而后行，在你采取行動或做出選擇之前，一定要考慮后果。
仁慈和富有同情心。
感受你配偶的感受。體驗伴侶的痛苦或快樂。需要有同情心來理解你妻子或丈夫內心深處。如果你的配偶需要，給她安慰，擁抱，友善。
要謙虛。
學會如何放下驕傲，這樣你就可以練習如何謙遜、寬恕和優雅。此外，與家人過一種簡單而安靜的生活，以避免遇到你難以處理的問題。

22. Live in the present.
Do not dwell on the past but focus on the present moment. Do not let your heartbreaks from the past ruin your current relationship. Do not let your worries about the future stop you from spending quality time with your spouse. Seize the opportunities today to show how much you love your wife or husband.
23. Quit recording your spouse’s past mistakes.
Stop counting and remembering your spouse past wrongs, especially if you have already forgiven them. Quit using them against your partner when you argue just to win the battle.
24. Stop keeping score.
In relation to #23, also quit on counting the good deeds you have done for your marriage just to show how superior you are to your spouse. Remember that marriage is not a competition but a unx between you and your partner. Promote teamwork in your relationship, not rivalry.

活在當下。
不要沉湎于過去，而要專注于現在。不要讓你過去的痛苦毀掉你現在的關系。不要讓你對未來的擔憂阻止你與配偶共度美好時光。抓住今天的機會，向你的妻子或丈夫表達你的愛。
停止記錄你配偶過去的錯誤。
停止計算和回憶你的配偶過去的錯誤，尤其是如果你已經原諒了他們。當你為了贏得戰斗而爭吵的時候，不要用它們來對付你的伴侶。
別再記誰付出多。
關于點，也不要記著你為婚姻所做的好事，只是為了表明你比你的配偶優越。記住，婚姻不是競爭，而是你和你的伴侶的結合。在你們的關系中保持團隊合作，而不是競爭。

25. Be selfless.
Create plans, goals, and dreams for your spouse, your children and your whole family rather than just for yourself. Put your own happiness in their happiness.
26. Be loyal.
Never ever cheat. Don’t ever think that you will get another chance once you’ve done cheating, infidelity, and other extramarital affairs. Keep your marriage vows in your heart, mind, and soul.
27. Never stop loving.
Don’t stop caring for your spouse even if the two of you are arguing or fighting. Continue to love your wife or husband even if the two of you are quarreling and considering each other as enemies.

要無私。
為你的配偶、孩子和整個家庭制定計劃、目標和夢想，而不僅僅是為你自己。把自己的幸福放在整個家的幸福里。
要忠誠。
永遠不要作弊。不要以為一旦你欺騙、不忠和發生其他婚外情，你會有另一個機會。把你的結婚誓言放在心里、思想和靈魂里。
永遠不要停止愛。
即使你們兩個在爭吵或吵架，也不要停止對配偶的照顧。即使你們兩個吵架，認為對方是敵人，繼續愛你的妻子或丈夫。

28. Don’t lose hope.
Fight with all your might and don’t give up easily when your marriage is tested. Understand that it’s normal for married couples to encounter problems that will test their love. If things are getting too difficult, get a support system. Gain spiritual strength from God and get support from your family and friends.
29. Have faith.
Do something to realize the things you hope for. Understand that having faith is not just believing but also doing something to make what you believe in happen. In other words, have faith with deeds. If you’re faithful to your spouse, don’t just hope or believe that your marriage will last but do your best to keep yourself away from temptations.
30. Give only true love.
There is no secret to a long-lasting marriage but genuine love. Hence, learn and identify what the true love is. Evaluate yourself if you’re really giving real love to your spouse. If not, work for it. Remember that true love is not given magically to your wife or husband, but it is something that you need to work hard for. It requires your patience, perseverance, humility, honesty, and more.

不要失去希望。
盡你所能奮斗，當你的婚姻經受考驗時不要輕易放棄。明白已婚夫婦遇到考驗他們愛情的問題是很正常的。如果事情變得太困難，找一個支持系統。從神那里獲得力量、從你的家人和朋友那里得到支持。
要有信心。
做點什么來實現你的愿望。要明白，有信心不僅僅是相信，而且是做一些事情來實現你的信仰。換言之，對行為要有信心。如果你對你的配偶忠誠，不要只希望或相信你的婚姻會長久，而要盡力讓自己遠離誘惑。
只給真愛。
長久的婚姻沒有秘密，只有真愛。因此，學習并確定什么是真愛。如果你真的在給你的配偶真正的愛，那就評估一下你自己。如果沒有，那就努力吧。記住，真愛不是被神奇地給予你的妻子或丈夫，而是你需要為之努力的東西。它需要你的耐心、毅力、謙遜、誠實等等。

31. Discipline your children.
Don’t just be a better spouse to your wife or husband, but also be a better parent to your children. To make your marriage last, make your family happy and successful too. Teach your children how to become good and responsible people so that they will not be your family’s problem in the future.
32. Let love be the center of your marriage.
Know that true love binds all the good virtues that will help you and your spouse have a happy and long-lasting marriage. It unites your patience, kindness, compassion, humility, truthfulness, and faithfulness in perfect harmony to make your relationship last. Hence, always let love be the center of your marriage, not money and other material things.

管教你的孩子。
不要只是做一個更好的妻子或丈夫的配偶，也要更好的做一個孩子的父母。讓你的婚姻長久，讓你的家庭也幸福和成功。教你的孩子如何成為一個好的、負責任的人，這樣他們在將來就不會成為你家的問題。
讓愛成為你婚姻的中心。
要知道，真正的愛情結合了所有的美德，這些美德將幫助你和你的配偶擁有一個幸福而持久的婚姻。它將你的耐心、善良、同情、謙遜、誠實和忠誠完美地結合在一起，使你們的關系持續下去。因此，永遠讓愛成為你婚姻的中心，而不是金錢和其他物質的東西。

Final thoughts
Understand that marriage is teamwork. That is why the both of you are called better halves. To have a long-lasting marriage, both of you should strive to follow the tips above. It won’t work if only one is working it out. But if your partner is struggling to be a better spouse, remember not to judge her or him quickly or force your better half to change instantly. Instead, be a role model and show your beloved spouse how to practice the ways above.
Remember no marriage is perfect .Every couple is different .

最后的想法
明白婚姻就是團隊合作。這就是為什么你們都被稱為更好的一半。要想擁有一段長久的婚姻，你們兩個都應該努力遵循上面的建議。如果只有一個人在解決，那就行不通了。但是，如果你的另一半正在努力成為一個更好的配偶，記住不要對她或他很快做出判斷，也不要強迫你的另一半立即改變。相反，做一個榜樣，向你心愛的配偶展示如何實踐上述方法。
記住，沒有完美的婚姻，每對夫妻都是不同的。

Chris Jones, studied Human Behavior at University of Toronto (1990)
a marriage is an equal partnership, filled with: compromise, commitment, understanding, LOVE, faithfulness, listening, etc.
My answer is to always retain your *individuality* and hang on to your individual interests and hobbies. Just because we are married, it does not mean that we are “joined at the hip” for life.
I have my own thoughts, opinions and ideas. I do whatever I want, whenever I want. I refuse to be TOLD what to do, at any given time. My spouse is NOT my boss, or my Mother, or my Master.
When one spouse gives power to the other, that’s when the marriage becomes a disaster waiting to happen. Married couples should compliment each other. I don’t mean to lavish praise on the other, I mean her positive attributes should compliment and reinforce his positive attributes.

婚姻是一種平等的伙伴關系，充滿了：妥協、承諾、理解、愛、忠誠、傾聽等等方面。
我的答案是永遠保持你的個性，堅持你的個人興趣和愛好。我們結婚了，并不意味著我們就一輩子“合二為一”。
我有自己的想法、觀點和想法。我想干什么就干什么。在任何時候，我都拒絕別人告訴我該做什么。我的配偶不是我的老板，不是我的母親，也不是我的主人。
當一方給予另一方權力時，婚姻就變成了一場等待發生的災難。已婚夫婦應該互相稱贊。我不是要對對方大加贊揚我，我是說她應該贊美和強化他的積極品質。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.mmg13444.com 轉載請注明出處

My marriage lasts because at any given time, we each do our own “thing” whatever that may be. We do spend time together; we both work and contribute to the household income, we both help with chores around the house, we both go out and have fun, we both make meals and entertain guests.
One thing to keep in mind is the difference between EXPECTATION vs REALITY. Your marriage will *never* turn out to be some (ridiculous) Fairy-Tale, like the ones we see on TV shows or in movies. It’s probably the biggest reason why divorce rates sit at 50%, people expect “Happily Ever After” and when they don’t attain that fantasy, they become disillusioned and call-it-quits.
And we talk to one another. Probably the most important aspect of keeping a marriage alive. ALSO, every marriage is DIFFERENT and one list of *suggestions* will never fit every relationship.
A happy marriage consists of whatever makes YOU happy! AND if you (the husband) choose to wake up every day, and decide to spend every waking moment trying to make HER happy, then do THAT!

我的婚姻之所以長久，是因為在任何特定的時間，我們每個人都會做自己的“事情”，而不管那是什么。我們確實在一起度過了時光；我們都在工作，為家庭收入做貢獻，我們都在家里幫忙做家務，我們都出去玩，我們都做飯，招待客人。
要記住的一點是期望和現實之間的區別。你的婚姻永遠不會像我們在電視節目或電影中看到的那樣，變成某種（荒謬的）童話。這可能是離婚率保持在50%的最大原因，人們期望從此幸?？鞓?，當他們沒有實現這一幻想時，他們就會幻想破滅，并就此罷休。
我們彼此交談?？赡苁蔷S持婚姻生活最重要的方面。而且，每段婚姻都是不同的，一份“建議”清單永遠不會適合每段關系。
幸福的婚姻是由任何讓你幸福的東西組成的！如果你（丈夫）選擇每天醒來，決定把醒著的每一刻都花在讓她開心上，那就這么做吧！